I don’t think there is any more fitting to top of the usual flight delay then just dealing with airports themselves. Other then the glorious security checkpoints there are so many things one can enjoy!I will use my experience so far tonight as fuel to my continuing fire of airport hate-age…

First of all I should not even be flying until tomorrow. After 15 phone calls and numerous “no’s” I managed to convince the all knowing CSR’s of Continental that they will not be able to operate tomorrow in the “snowicane” we are expecting in the Northeast (70mph winds and 12″-18″ of snow) and that I really want to fly today instead of driving in a fucking blizzard to the airport to have my flight canceled after I get there. Yeay! So I now have a flight that will most likely not be snowed out. Fanfreakingtastic!

Security. I know, I know you may think there will be a complaint here but this is the only part that went well today! I used the skills that I learned from George Clooney in Up in the Air (awesome movie) and avoided the line with strollers and old people. Although the person in front of me had trouble understanding remove your laptop from your bag all in all not a bad 10 minute security check.

This is were things got a bit shitty. I checked my flight status and we are now delayed. Okay, 46 minutes I can live with that. What to do what to do. Let’s go on the internet! This is always a real trial of patience in the airport experience. First situation is finding a power outlet. Now in this modern age one would think that would not be a very difficult thing seeing as everything in the world requires power outlets. WRONG. Power outlets in the airports are like gold. The first outlets to go are those Samsung Powerstation towers that are by the comfy chairs. Don’t even try. Next outlet set would be outlets near random other chairs. These are also very sought after for the comfort factor of sitting in a chair during your wait. Scout these out immediately and keep your fingers crossed because the last category is the worst, outlets in the middle of nowhere. These outlets are along walls, under the pay phones and just generally random. The worst part about these, your on the floor. Throw comfort out the window folks and just be happy you have an outlet!

Tonight’s adventure has found me in the third category of random outlet with floor sitting. Well, beggars can’t be choosers. So I get settled on the lovely carpet (between the fact that it is as cold and hard as concrete and the pattern looks like a kindergartner vomited on a finger painting I’m in heaven here) and remove my power adapter and plug it in. Nothing. The little green light doe not turn on. Oh boy! The person who is also using the outlet seems to be having no problem. I ask her if her’s is working and she informs me that the bottom plug doesn’t work. Ha! I love it. She informs me she is almost done and will switch the plugs when she is. Thanks!

So I do have some battery left and figure I can get a good 35 minutes in before I fail out. Lets hope her iPhone charges quick. So I boot up and fire up my airport card. What is this? A free Wi-Fi network! Wow lets connect. Ha no. I connect no problem but nothing actually works. Well you know what that means… Boingo hotspot. I really love spending $7.00 on 3 hours of internet. Fancy. Well what can you do they really have you by the balls. So I get online and I’m browsing and the battery meter is yelling at me. I start getting worried here. But just in time the woman switches me over! Maybe my luck is changing. Wrong again my friends, wrong again.

At this point I’m getting sick of the web and definitely getting hungry. I saw a Pizzeria Uno on the way in lets go check them out. I walk over and it looks like the trading floor of Wallstreet over there. I ask a few people if they are online and say no but you have to put your name in. Oh no. I walk up the the counter and ask how long the wait is. Now being from New Jersey I am use to the 45 minute wait or something in that range and take that as normal. When that woman told me the wait, for a crappy airport restaurant no less, was 2 hours I nearly fainted. Two hours for a damn personal pizza?! She said I can try the take-out it only has a 1 hour wait. What a bargain! Needless to say I have now given up on the Uno. Lets go check out the hotdog stand can’t go wrong there.

I don’t know that I have ever been wrong so many times in one night. The hotdog stand is 14 people deep. Okay I can deal with that line since it will go quick and it does. My turn!So I order:

Me – “Can I please have a hotdog, a frozen yogurt and a bottle of water?”

Server – “Sorry we are out of hotdogs.”

Me – “How can you be out of hotdogs if your specialty is hotdogs?”

Server – “Sorry we have been out all day” (The owner of this stand fails at life)

Me – “Fine can I please have a large strawberry frozen yogurt and the water then.”

Server – “Oh sorry the frozen yogurt machine is also broken.”

Me – “So what do you have to offer me then?”

Server – “We can still do that water you wanted.” (Thanks for the snyness)

Me – “Fine water it is then.”

So I am now starving and all I can consume is water. Joy. I debate about putting my order in for the to go Uno but alas it is time for me to take the shuttle bus to my segregated terminal for the retarded little express jets so no time for love Dr. Jones.

Well as you can see my evening has just been dandy so far and I think it is going to get better. My flight was just delayed another 35 minutes. The night is still young my friends, lets see how much more they can screw me for being so silly as to give them my money for a service which is never as advertised.

This entry was originally on my personal blog and was written in February of 2010.

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