5 Events If New Jersey Held Their Own Olympics

by Ed Magdziak • June 27, 2012 • Sports & LeisureComments (0)1503

In a few weeks people all over the world will be tuning in to watch the Olympics which begin July 27th in London (sorry New York).  They will cheer for their countrymen and women to bring home the gold.  We all have our favorite events.  Swimming, running, cycling, shot put.  What if New Jersey held their own Olympics? Here are 5 events that would have our athletes giving their all.

Pothole Slalom

If you’ve had any experience driving on our highways you know that potholes can get quite large.  Imagine trying to avoid them on a bike and you’ve got our first event, the Pothole Slalom.  The rider will be equipped with a rickety old bike, helmet of course, and protective gear.  The potholes will have the flags on either side just as you would see on a skiing course.  The rider will start on the top of wooden ramp and then they are off!  It will take steady nerves and strong arms to avoid all the potholes and take the gold here.

Circle Maneuvering

This is a bit different as this is the first Olympic event held with motor vehicles.  If there is one driving cliche that New Jersey constantly hears from out-of-staters it is the difficulty of getting through one of our traffic circles in one piece.  The cars will be painted up like  bobsleds.  The circle will be filled with non-competing cars, some will just go around and around and some will take the circle and move off.  The contestant will enter the circle and have to go around 10 times.  Once the 10 laps are completed a green light will show how to exit the circle.  Best time wins and points deducted for coming in contact with another vehicle.

Mall Relay

Yup, New Jersey has malls.  Lots of them.  In this event a team of 4 will have to traverse a shopping mecca in a specific order.  First runner will have to race to the information kiosk.  There they will hand the baton over to the next runner who will be required to find the Bath & Body Works, every mall has one, and race to the store.  There they will have to sample 3 items.  Then they pass the baton to the third runner.  He or she will have to sprint to massage chair area.  They must take a seat and get the massage before handing the baton to the final runner who must get to, you guessed it, the food court.  The runner must then buy a slice of pizza, an order of Chicken Lo Mein, and a cinnamon bun from Cinnabon.  This will not only test the athletes’ physical talents but their stomachs as well.  First to down the meal and complete the relay in the best time wins!

Weehawken Dueling

A highly anticipated event.  The famous duel between Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton took place on the Palisades on July 11, 1804.  What better way to honor this historic date in New Jersey’s past than with an Olympic event?  In the shadow of the Hamilton monument, two participants at a time, in a series of elimination duels, will dress in the authentic dress of the time.  They will take ten full paces and shoot.  Non lethal darts will be used.  First person hit is out.  Winner advances to next round until the gold is won.

Beach Walking

This event will be held in Wildwood.  As many people are aware the distance from the boardwalk to the water is quite a walk.  For this event the athlete will have to carry a blanket, towel, cooler, boogie board, and two beach chairs.  For added difficulty the participants will be barefoot.   The sand can get pretty hot in late July and early August so this is added incentive to race to the water.  And it is harder to walk in sand without sandals or shoes.  Oh, ah, ouch!  But your blistered feet will be soon forgotten if you medal!

Think how proud you’ll be when the New Jersey flag is raised for the medal winners.  Well, I guess that would be the only flag raised.  Maybe county flags? It will still bring a tear to the eye to hear the official state song played.  Ah yes, no official state song.  Born to Run it is!

What events do you think should be added to the New Jersey Olympics?


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